Sunday, July 7, 2013


One day, worried she asked him to come to Parliament House, looked him straight..
"Everybody says you are taking over"
Shaken but moving forward, putting his long parsi nose close to hers
"what do you think?"
"You can't."
Eyebrows raised
"Do you think I am so incompetent?"
"I didn't mean that Sam. You wouldn't,"
Sliding back into his chair
"You are right I wouldn't. You mind your own business and I'll mind mine. You kiss your own sweetheart and I'll kiss mine. I don't interfere politically as long as nobody interferes with me in the army"

(Indira Gandhi, Prime Minister of India and Sam Manekshaw, Field Marshal of India )
*Various sources

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The OCD Dog

That is not him. He is lovable CK. He was ill so I had gone along with his mum to get him treated at Indiranagar. He had fever earlier and wasn't eating. All better now and eating.

The OCD dog was a dobberman in the room next door. His owners, a young couple, had brought him for a medicated bath and to get a wound on his knee checked. They said he kept licking and biting it. He previously had a similar injury on his other knee. After a brief check, vet was more interested in his house environment like who lived with him. He belonged to girl's mom. She was staying alone. The dog had a companion but he died at the ripe old age of 16 years last year.

The vet diagnosed him to have OCD because lack of companionship or sexual frustration. The 9 year old dobberman had not been neutered. The dobberman was frustrated, licking his knee, causing irritation in tiny cuts leading to more licking and biting. Vet advised constant change of dressing on the wound. He also advised neutering the dog or getting him a companion. At this, the young couple started to argue. The girl said her old mother could not look after two dogs now. The guy wanted the dobberman loose his virginity. "Oh come on! He came into this world. He should experience it". The girl said it wasn't necessary. She felt he should be snipped immediately. The vet said a dobberman would probably be ready to go again after 10 mins and a few more times after. Finally, the couple agreed put off the decision till later.

That and more stories at the vet's. Didn't see one overworked or unhappy doctor there.

Our beagle CK wouldn't eat because he couldn't smell his food. It happens sometimes when a dog gets a fever. The sense of smell comes back in 1 or 2 days.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Someone told Airtel I was single

I have been getting all these ads for finding that special someone and dating etc on my Airtel number. I answered one that was free, was immediately charged and someone called Iamthick asked for my asl! I passed as the charge was Rs. 3/- to reply.

I am studying and in mid thirties. Ofcourse, I had to to be single! But to let that get to me? That was bad... I have no one to blame but myself.

It could have been worse. I could have been suffering from a male equivalent of vulvodynia caused by depression.

I can see a solution to all this. Give up on minoxidil and follow one of my best friends - Start on a course of Finasteride. Solve hair loss and reduce sexual tension.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Land of Kamasutra or the Land of Cold Showers?

India is not the land of the Kamasutra. Sure an Indian, or what goes for a horny holy man living in Banares ages ago, wrote the treatise. But that is not enough. Penquin India had not set up shop in New Delhi. How many people lived in Banares or managed to get a autographed copy of the book? That is the question! Current and historical facts when rewritten by me clearly show that Kerala did not have 100% literacy at that time. Kannada or Tamil did not orginate from Sanskrit (even if influenced a bit later).

no one had heard of the art of Kama. Apart from sadhus, who renounced the world, tried to make sense of politics in palaces of ancient and pre-colonial India, who on failing miserably finally brought up the book of Kamasutra to every ruler from Guptas to Chalukyas to the Mughals who needed it to bring pax Mughal to their harems.  Later, Kamasutra invariably grew in popularity amongst the pre PlayBoy colonial western world.

Come on. The Gauls were clearly way ahead with just their way of saying hello. Sure Kamasutra talks about the ‘nominal’, ‘throbbing’ and ‘touching’ kissing styles but none come sensuously close to Gallic traditional first kiss, which clearly makes the sky fall on your head!

If India were the land of Kamasutra, we would not be drowning in population out of sheer fustration. Tantrics will tell you about the good old ages, when sex was not frowned upon. Ofcourse, no one caught them being naughty with their disciples using hidden cameras.

And so it IS no to JUST sex please, we are Indians.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Drunk Blogging

I love drunk blogging. I sound so interesting and funny ;)

Why drunk blogging? I give you the following...

1) I have bad... very bad grammar. You cant imagine what I scored in 10th finals in English.

2) I write horribly. So I write in small sentences. Less chances of mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes in along sentences.

3) I am very creative, when drunk. I am trying to work on a doggy repelling horn for motor bikes! Have you met anyone who thought of that? No, right? I did and you read it first here. There are a few more but those are money spinners ;)

4) I am a lot funnier drunk. so much so that I crack myself up :)

5) It is cheap... creativity in a bottle. Old monk is the cheapest but then you need those sugary carbonated additives. Better is vodka with citrus juice - very healthy. Or wine but the flavour and zing is missing along with them bubbles.

6) I know you think I should read those English grammar books. It will help me. I just looked at one right now and none of these sentences / points feature in the book!!

7) You should be happy that I am typing all this out. My handwriting... some other day... :(

8) The only two people to have ever read my blog are good writers. I need an excuse.

9) One is my best friend and the other is a girl. I should entertain him and impress her with my vision and creativity... visitivity... (sorry it is lifted from a Barney quote)

10) Am I drunk right now? You bet I am....

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Manmohan Singh - My hero lost his shine.

He was my hero. Not my leader, I have none. But he spoke about freedom, providing opportunities and governance free from scandals. His party colleagues backed him by running their ministeries so clean that you could eat off the floor. It could be because they were busy last 6 years fighting each other. But he failed when he could not reign in corrupt cabinet members sent in by coalition partners. He was not a leader.

Millions of Indians go to sleep today without 3 square meals while food rots in our godowns. No need for clothes. Most Indian men love to stand outside their doorways without a shirt on. We can forgive about homes to every citizen. Even 1st world countries find this difficult. But food?! You should be feeding your people. You are not worth saving, if you cant.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Become an intellectual in 10 easy steps

10. Love Mother Teresa.... any person with hint of humanity can be an intellectual.

9. Have coffee at the India Coffee house of your city.

8. Lean left on all things but deny by accusing others of leaning too far right.

7. Your day should begin with finding someone to blame.

6. Now find an issue to blame them with.

5. Accuse your country and people of plotting against those who wish to wage war against it.

4. Write a novel that no one can understand except the booker prize judges.

3. Be an old fan of Jyothi Basu. Accuse Budhadeb of being the cause of all that is wrong for the past 30 years and become a fan of Mamta... it is definitely downhill from here...

2. Use your freedom of expression to accuse your fellow countrymen of being in a sham democracy.

1. Get ready to be gassed for expressing yourself to your old Maoist friends.