Someone told Airtel I was single

I have been getting all these ads for finding that special someone and dating etc on my Airtel number. I answered one that was free, was immediately charged and someone called Iamthick asked for my asl! I passed as the charge was Rs. 3/- to reply.

I am studying and in mid thirties. Ofcourse, I had to to be single! But to let that get to me? That was bad... I have no one to blame but myself.

It could have been worse. I could have been suffering from a male equivalent of vulvodynia caused by depression.

I can see a solution to all this. Give up on minoxidil and follow one of my best friends - Start on a course of Finasteride. Solve hair loss and reduce sexual tension.

Land of Kamasutra or the Land of Cold Showers?

India is not the land of the Kamasutra. Sure an Indian, or what goes for a horny holy man living in Banares ages ago, wrote the treatise. But that is not enough. Penquin India had not set up shop in New Delhi. How many people lived in Banares or managed to get a autographed copy of the book? That is the question! Current and historical facts when rewritten by me clearly show that Kerala did not have 100% literacy at that time. Kannada or Tamil did not orginate from Sanskrit (even if influenced a bit later).

no one had heard of the art of Kama. Apart from sadhus, who renounced the world, tried to make sense of politics in palaces of ancient and pre-colonial India, who on failing miserably finally brought up the book of Kamasutra to every ruler from Guptas to Chalukyas to the Mughals who needed it to bring pax Mughal to their harems.  Later, Kamasutra invariably grew in popularity amongst the pre PlayBoy colonial western world.

Come on. The Gauls were clearly way ahead with just their way of saying hello. Sure Kamasutra talks about the ‘nominal’, ‘throbbing’ and ‘touching’ kissing styles but none come sensuously close to Gallic traditional first kiss, which clearly makes the sky fall on your head!

If India were the land of Kamasutra, we would not be drowning in population out of sheer fustration. Tantrics will tell you about the good old ages, when sex was not frowned upon. Ofcourse, no one caught them being naughty with their disciples using hidden cameras.

And so it IS no to JUST sex please, we are Indians.

Drunk Blogging

I love drunk blogging. I sound so interesting and funny ;)

Why drunk blogging? I give you the following...

1) I have bad... very bad grammar. You cant imagine what I scored in 10th finals in English.

2) I write horribly. So I write in small sentences. Less chances of mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes in along sentences.

3) I am very creative, when drunk. I am trying to work on a doggy repelling horn for motor bikes! Have you met anyone who thought of that? No, right? I did and you read it first here. There are a few more but those are money spinners ;)

4) I am a lot funnier drunk. so much so that I crack myself up :)

5) It is cheap... creativity in a bottle. Old monk is the cheapest but then you need those sugary carbonated additives. Better is vodka with citrus juice - very healthy. Or wine but the flavour and zing is missing along with them bubbles.

6) I know you think I should read those English grammar books. It will help me. I just looked at one right now and none of these sentences / points feature in the book!!

7) You should be happy that I am typing all this out. My handwriting... some other day... :(

8) The only two people to have ever read my blog are good writers. I need an excuse.

9) One is my best friend and the other is a girl. I should entertain him and impress her with my vision and creativity... visitivity... (sorry it is lifted from a Barney quote)

10) Am I drunk right now? You bet I am....

Manmohan Singh - My hero lost his shine.

He was my hero. Not my leader, I have none. But he spoke about freedom, providing opportunities and governance free from scandals. His party colleagues backed him by running their ministeries so clean that you could eat off the floor. It could be because they were busy last 6 years fighting each other. But he failed when he could not reign in corrupt cabinet members sent in by coalition partners. He was not a leader.

Millions of Indians go to sleep today without 3 square meals while food rots in our godowns. No need for clothes. Most Indian men love to stand outside their doorways without a shirt on. We can forgive about homes to every citizen. Even 1st world countries find this difficult. But food?! You should be feeding your people. You are not worth saving, if you cant.

Become an intellectual in 10 easy steps

10. Love Mother Teresa.... any person with hint of humanity can be an intellectual.

9. Have coffee at the India Coffee house of your city.

8. Lean left on all things but deny by accusing others of leaning too far right.

7. Your day should begin with finding someone to blame.

6. Now find an issue to blame them with.

5. Accuse your country and people of plotting against those who wish to wage war against it.

4. Write a novel that no one can understand except the booker prize judges.

3. Be an old fan of Jyothi Basu. Accuse Budhadeb of being the cause of all that is wrong for the past 30 years and become a fan of Mamta... it is definitely downhill from here...

2. Use your freedom of expression to accuse your fellow countrymen of being in a sham democracy.

1. Get ready to be gassed for expressing yourself to your old Maoist friends.

The 60 year EcoMani curse.

I watched 5 mins of big debate or fight something on NDTV. It had Mani Shankar Aiyer, MP (RS) talking about how every 60 years or so after birth of industrialisation or some form of large scale economic change, there was a revolution. He gave examples of French revolution, the collapse of Soviet regime and even the changes in downtown London since Oliver Twist asked for more.

I (and Mani) immediately realised that India too was close to something like this. Mani thought that this was manifesting itself in villages as Naxal attacks and that middle class should wake up to the fact before the Naxals come calling in the cities.

But I think Mani was a bit is wrong. Naxalism is how the villages are handling it. Feeling of helplessness, loss of control and the general apathy in the cities may be for different reasons but just as strong as in the villages. We have stopped bothering with participation in elections. Power is out most of the day, many middle class household send out their children to fill containers of water from the local borewell or water tankers, you need to pay a bribe for everything from getting a ration card (state government), running a shop (local police station) to government hospitals... and as far as real estate goes, children are participating in singing contests to win a house not money. Middle class is taxed heavily. Kaun Banega Crorepathi? You cant buy a house in Bangalore! Half the winnings would go in taxes and the rest in stamp duty for the house. You cant write or express what you feel as you may hurt the sentiments of the a particular community. Cant say Tamil Nadu has a point on the water sharing issue in Karnataka as Girish Karnad found out. Cant say Rajnikanth's Robot is the biggest flop since Atlantis. Everyone in city knows money is not enough. It can be taken away with a phone call from Ravi Poojaris and Dawoods. Power, control and freedom are in short supply nowadays. The situation can very easily reach boiling point. A friend of mine said Indians don't complain enough. But we sense the injustice. If we don't or aren't complaining, it is going to eat into our psyche. And it will express itself.

Revolution may be closer then we think and the enemy would be us.

Godzilla for real

I saw the dumb ass version of Mathew Brodderick starer Godzilla last week. Bits and pieces. It was too stupid. This Godzilla hardly breathed fire, didn't really bother to flatten the wonderful New York skyline and was more interested in laying eggs. Why this over grown lizard from ILM, Hollywood would come all the way to NY to lay eggs is more perplexing than the behaviour of smoked Salmon.

In order to get rid of the after taste, I have started to download the original Godzilla. The one who loved attacking downtown and sometimes uptown Tokyo. These Godzilla flicks never starred people you might know except for Raymond Burr, who made a cameo, when he thought Perry Mason was going to be canceled because TV was being introduced. No this Godzilla was real. And his growl... yes sir, crew were watching Japanese porn, when they came up with that.